Friday, April 23, 2004

I've been better...

...but I've been a whole lot worse.

I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. I was trying to describe to a friend what's been going on with me, and this is what I wrote:

I'm not a happy camper. I do not have the colorful candy
coating to hide that I'm not a happy camper right now. I'm usually
able to keep it together or at least maintain the facade of keeping
it together, and I'm not doing so good at that right now.

It really disgust me that I've been out of work as long as I
have been. It really disgust me that I continue to be alone. It
really disgust me that I'm feeling like the 36 years that I have
spent on this earth have not been well spent.

I'm sure you've noticed that for the most part, I'm
uncomfortable to show that part of myself that is vulnerable -
unhappy - sad - angry. I might show little glimmers of it, but for
the most part, I try to keep that part of myself hidden. As I said
at the first of this email, I'm not doing a good job of hiding right
now. That's why I retreat into my shell when I'm feeling this way.

Being unemployed when you have no say in the matter sucks. Let no one tell you otherwise. I fooled myself into believing that it would not be hard for me to find another job. I've been out of work for 3 months. I think that pretty much disproves that theory.

I've been trying to be strong and positive, but this week has not been one where I could do that and that pisses me off. BIG TIME!

I went to lunch with my former co-workers today. It was very nice to see everyone, and it reinforced how much I'm glad I don't work there anymore. Granted, I would have liked to leave the company on my own terms instead of being "asked" to leave, but this situation was long coming.

It still does not make the fact that I'm still out of work any easier.

So gentle reader, if you would, I would appreciate it if you would say an extra prayer and/or send me an extra good thought that I will not only get beyond this funk I'm in, but find the best job at the best salary at the best company that I can.

Thank you!


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