Sunday, April 03, 2005

I miss my Daddy 

I just finished reading Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones." It is a story told from the point of view of a teenager who is murdered and then watches from Heaven as her family and friends break apart and then come together again as they grieve her. Toward the end of the book, one of the teenager's friends, who is now an adult, allows the teenager to occupy her body for a short period of time so that she can make love to her first love. The way it is written is really beautiful as the teenager relates what it's like to touch and kiss this boy she once loved, who is now a man, and feel and do things that she has envied watching others do from heaven. Eventually she has to return to heaven and her friend returns to her body.

I finished the book this morning and closed my eyes for a short nap. During that nap, I dreamt that I received a phone call from my Dad and that he said he was coming over to where I was at my friend's house. I got off the phone and related the story to my friend and she said, "But Joan, your Dad is dead!" No sooner had she said that then my Dad has arrived. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight as only my Dad could do.

I woke up from the dream and realized that I really miss my Daddy. I think this is the first time that I've ever felt this way since he passed away September of 2002. I know I cried the day he died and at his funeral, but I don't think I've cried since then - until today.

My Dad and I had a lot of challenges in our relationship, but at the end, we had made peace with each other and were friends. He was so sick at the end of his life that when he did die, it was a relief that he was finally free of his failing body.

Be that as it may, I still wish that I could get a hug from him and hear him call me "Poo Girl."

I miss you, Daddy.

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