Sunday, September 03, 2006

An Early Christmas Story 

NOTE: Despite the subject matter, this story is meant to be humorous. One thing my family has always been able to do is laugh in the face of adversity. Ha HA!

When my Mom found out she was dying, she started planning. OH the planning that was involved! Everything was in place when she finally passed away - everything except what she wanted done with her ashes.

So my sister and I asked her, "Do you want to be buried?" "NO!" "Do you want to be sprinkled somewhere?" "NO!!" "What DO you want, Mother? "I know I don't want to be on one of your mantles somewhere!"

Unfortunately Mom passed away before she decided what she wanted done with her ashes. For several years, Marti kept her on the bar of one of her homes. She swears that that the contents of the bottle of Vodka that sat next to Mom's urn started dissipating.

My sister, nephew and I decided to have a fun Christmas after my sister left "The Asshole," which is the term of endearment we referred to her second husband by. Marti and Eric wanted to rent a Lincoln Continental and away we went to Epcot at Disney and down to Key West. As we were packing the car, we decided to take an extra passenger with us: My Mom. Mom always liked the ocean and maybe we could lob her off down there at the Southern Most Point of the United States?

I sat in the backseat of the Lincoln with my Mom's urn sitting beside me. I didn't want it to slide around, so I put the seatbelt on around it. We stopped at McDonald's for a snack. I put my cheeseburger, fries and coke beside the urn and took a picture. Mother always was an avid reader, so after lunch, I put the travel guide in front of her. Mom always preferred to travel with sunglasses on, so I put mine on top of the urn. I took another picture. My sister, nephew and I laughed loud and long about this - we all have a sick sense of humor - but then, we are the offspring of my Mom.

Christmas Eve we were invited to the house of one of Marti's co-workers to share her family's traditional seafood Christmas Eve feast. We had been there for about 30-45 minutes and were making ourselves acquainted with the parents of our host, when the question was asked, "Why aren't you spending Christmas with your Mom?" Marti and I looked at each other and then said, "Oh we are! Mom is in the car!"

"What?!? You've been in here for almost an hour and left your Mom in the car?!?!"

"Yes. Shall I go get her?"

"For goodness sakes, YES!"

I went out to the car and got Mom's urn. I brought her in and set her on the counter. "Here she is!"

Marti and I were stifling giggles while we watched their look of horror melt into disbelief and then finally they started laughing, too.

Before the end of the night, Mom's picture had been taken with a Santa Hat, a glass of wine and a lit cigarette, which is exactly how Mom would have enjoyed spending a Christmas Eve! She was the hit of the party!


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